A Time and a Place for Adjectives and Adverbs

Do you remember when in grade school we had to diagram sentences and name the nouns and pronouns, adjectives, verbs and adverbs, prepositions and prepositional phrases?  I thought of one assignment in particular: "Write a descriptive paragraph using as many of the parts of speech as possible on a topic of choice for a five-minute exercise."  I couldn't remember any of the topics my English teacher gave us, so I wrote my own scene following her instructions.  I emphasized the POS (parts of speech tagging) as follows: nouns and pronouns, adjectives, and verbs and adverbs .  For my purposes here, I did not mark the prepositions or the prepositional phrases.  Here's the scene:

"Heat lightning flickered, like the tongue of a serpent,  across the murky night sky.  Megan Tayor stirred under the satin sheet uncomfortably aware of the sultry July air, and the threat of the pending summer storm.  Sheer bedroom curtains drooped at the sides of the opened window allowing the corner street-light's eerie glow to filter through the boughs of the tall spruce trees casting grotesque shadows on the wall.

Suddenly something startled Megan awake.  Instinctively she lay still, and listened.  An ominous sense of danger enveloped her like a sleeping bag with a broken zipper.  Her eyes slid to the silent television perched on the corner of her dresser, its screen rolling in crazy patterns.  Still holding the remote in her hand, she quietly clicked the button, and the TV turned ghostlike.

Lifting her head from the pillow, Megan strained to hear. A strange muffled sound came from the living room.  She swallowed hard, then opened her mouth as shallow spurts of air escaped.  Someone's in the house!"  (168 words)

This exercise would have done my teacher proud.  However, today it would give editors and publishers prickly hives!   Today's rule of thumb is: Seek clarity, accuracy and efficiency in prose above all. Mean what you say, and say exactly what you mean, as clearly and as compactly as possible.  In other words, "write tight," "use nouns and strong verbs," "use adjectives and adverbs sparingly," "try to eliminate the word 'was,'" and the sticker of all rules, "show, don't tell."

Your assignment, should you choose to accept it, is to re-write the scene eliminating all unnecessary adjectives and adverbs.  Remember: Write tight/concise.  Show, don't tell.

Here's my revised version:

"Megan Tayor stirred under the sheet uncomfortably aware of the sultry air and pending storm. Half awake, she watched heat lightning flicker across the sky.  She squinted at grotesque shadows on the wall cast from  the street-light's glow through the spruce trees.

 

Suddenly Megan heard a muffled sound.  Her eyes pierced the darkness.  She  strained to hear.  She barely breathed.  Her eyes slid to the silent television perched on the corner of her dresser, its screen rolling in crazy patterns.  She heard the noise again.  Still holding the remote in her hand, she clicked the button, and the TV turned ghostlike.

Her heart beat wildly.  Beads of perspiration dotted her nose. 

Megan lifted her head from the pillow and listened. A muffled noise sounded  from the living room.  She swallowed hard, then opened her mouth as shallow spurts of air escaped.  Dear God, Someone's in the house!  (147 words)

I eliminated 21 words - mostly unnecessary adjectives and adverbs without loosing any tension or immediacy of the scene.  Go head.  Try your hand at it.  See if you can tighten up the scene even more. Practice this exercise in all your writing.

Remember: this works is all styles of writing - except maybe if you're writing an assigned 500 word descriptive paragraph for some writing class. 

Rita Kroon

How to Influence Others for a Lasting Impact

Most people never know the impact or the positive influence they may have on others.  I realized this in a most vivid way this past week. 

While in Arizona, I attend a Bible study held at the community center of the park where we stay.  The Bible study leader, Yvonne, was gracious with a warm, genuine smile, and a prayer life based on deep faith and conviction.  She and her husband have been motorcycle enthusiasts for many years. One day last weekend, they took a day trip to a town about sixty miles from our community.  With little warning, the back tire of their motorcycle blew out sending their cycle into an out-of-control wobbly spin.  Yvonne was thrown as well as was her husband.  She suffered severe head trauma, despite the fact that she was wearing a helmet, and multiple broken bones.  She was air-lifted to the nearest hospital, but died the next day without regaining consciousness.  Her husband survived intact.

I knew Yvonne for only a short time, but she impacted me with her graciousness and her love of the Savior in such a way that caused me to realize I fall way short of showing such love to to others, especially to strangers.

The week prior to Yvonne's death, my friend, Lola, my husband and I rode the rails from Mesa to the west side of Phoenix.  We were obvious newbies on the light rail.  Everyone who boarded at various stops, glanced around for an empty seat, and then immediately set their eyes and thumbs into electronic motion.  No one spoke to each other.  No one made eye contact.  No pleasantries.  Just people on their usual commute.

That night, I felt convicted that I did not make any effort to befriend anyone, to talk with another person, to validate another human being.  I missed a wonderful opportunity to show kindness to another.

After Yvonne's death, I was struck anew of her love for people and the ease and the grace with which she showed it to those around her.  Because she reflected Jesus' love in such a way that left a lasting impact on me, I determined to intentionally seek opportunities to show kindness to others, especially to strangers.  It is my hope that I too would be able to influence others as she did me.

What about you?  What kind of lasting impact or influence are you having on others?  Think of someone who left such an impression on your life and ask yourself: "How can I influence others for a lasting impression?"

Rita Kroon

Where Can Wisdom be Found?

While my husband and I spent time in Arizona this winter, I discovered a creative writers' group that met weekly.  One of the exercises we did was to write down a word or phrase on a pieces of paper, toss them into a hat and then, we would write for a specified time - three to ten minutes - on that particular word or phrase. We had to write  continuously without taking our pen from the paper.  No time to think, imagine, or plot.  Just write.  Another exercise was  to write a poem - rhyming or not.  I wrote this poem adapted from Job 28.

"Where Can Wisdom be Found?"

Where can wisdom be found?  And where is the place of understanding?

Man does not know its value - nor is it found in the land of the living.

The deep says, "It is not in me."  The rolling sea says, "It is not with me."

Pure gold cannot be given in exchange - nor can silver be weighed as its price.

Diamonds or sapphires cannot equal it; coral and crystal cannot acquire it.

Where then does wisdom come from?  And where is the place of understanding?
Mann cannot comprehend it - it is hidden in the land of the living.

There is a mine for silver - there's a refiner to purify gold.

Rocks are a source of sapphires, and its dust contains gold.

The path no bird of prey knows - the falcon's eye caught sight of it.

Where can wisdom be found?  And where is he place of understanding?

It is concealed from the birds of the sky - it is hidden from the eyes of the living.

God understands its way - He knows it place.

He looks to the ends of the earth - He sees everything under the sun.

He said to man, "The fear of the Lord, that is wisdom!"

And to depart from evil, that is understanding!"

This was a fun writing exercise that taught me that when I hit a writer's block, if I pick a word or phrase and just write whatever comes to mind for a set amount of time, it breaks up the writer's block like dynamite blows apart a mountain.

So,no more excuses for not writing because of writer's!

Rita Kroon

Dirge of Sorrow - Symphony of Joy

I would like to introduce my guest blogger for this week.  His name  is Sam Crabtree, Pastor for Small Groups at Bethlehem Baptist Church (http://www.hopeingod.org/news-events/bethlehem-blogs) It is a touching article of a young couple in our church who had lost their baby, whereupon the husband anonymously wrote these beautiful words of insight in the midst of grief - grief, yet not without the hope for joy:

"From within the cloud of grief, it can be difficult to see how God feels about your suffering.  Unfortunately, the temptation can be to imagine that he either doesn't care or, even worse, is actually enjoying it.

The gospel of Jesus Christ is a story of hope wrapped in tragedy.  If you read the story without grieving, you ave not read it carefully.  Jesus dies.  One cannot imagine a worse outcome for the hero than death, especially when He needs to live in order to accomplish the mission.  Thankfully, Jesus' death is not the end of the gospel story.

One day soon the wrapping paper of sorrow will be torn off and thrown away and the gift of joy will  be forever ours in full.  For now, songs of joy and sorrow play simultaneously, neither canceling the other ... yet.  In the dissonance of these songs, let us remember that the dirge of sorrow has only a few measures remaining, whereas the symphony of joy will crescendo forever."

I love that the dirge of sorrow has only a few measures remaining, and the symphony of joy will crescendo forever.  When times of grief and sorrow do overtake you, I hope you are encouraged to know a the symphony of joy will follow.

Rita Kroon